Blog Post 001

People in my life, though few, yet present; often ask me why I do not perform the music that I write and record, and why I take such little effort toward recording, when I do write. It is a complicated answer for a very simple premise.

I am not a sensational musician, and I am not a talented artist. I am nothing, if not, just a slab of electrified, expiring meat. But there are moments in time that bring me an indescribable sense of calm and contentment, to my very core, even if only ephemeral. I consider these moments to be fleeting glances behind the curtain, or moments spent sitting with the Divine. Within the world of Art, as it pertains to Music; I believe a very important distinction amongst Musicians, comes in the form of the process. Everybody has an Empyrean they are Chasing(1).

In terms of Empyrean Chasing, each individual exists as their own Interpretation of the Divine(2), with their Divine Meaning coming in the form of unraveling what Empyrean they Chase. In my eyes, and by no legally binding, or objectively justifiable means of classification, I view Musicians under three lenses; Artists, Performers, and Posers. None of these classes of Musician are immune to mobility amidst the ranks, and these classes act as more of a Rochambeau than a Hierarchy. None is any more important or essential than another, and most of the time, all three make up the Musician’s Path, in some way or another.

The object of this project is to identify the standard I apply when categorizing each classification of Musician, and discuss how it pertains to my own Experience and Philosophical Ideologies surrounding Art and Creativity as an Entity.

Let us begin by addressing the Poser.

The Poser is fundamentally different from the other two types of Musician, in that; The Poser’s Pursuit is not of the Divine at all, and they do not consciously Chase any Empyrean. A Musician who is a Poser looks like any other Musician, but they chase the Pleasures of the Flesh; ‘Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll’, above all else. That’s not to say that all Rock Stars are posers, but it is very much to say that a lot of the Musicians that exist in the realm of Pop Culture, create music for a very different pretext altogether, than that of the Artist or Performer.

Before we advance; I am sure you are thinking to yourself “Performers and Artists can be all about Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll too,” and that’s true. But for a Poser, there is no more to their motives than the said Pleasures of the Flesh themselves. They are a means to an end, a static point to which a Poser’s Ambitions can go to die, because once a Poser uses their Rock and Roll to get the Sex and the Drugs; what are they left with?

A Choice, maybe? or a Question, at least.

See, the problem with Posers is that in a majority of cases, they don’t know that they’re Posing. We live in a culture where the Divine has been Pre-Packaged into a mostly accessible, easily palatable Thing, as a result of the various Organized Religions(3) and their palatable transmissions of messaging. I think this has been a detriment to the Musician’s Soul, or even broader; the Creative’s Soul.. or even broader; The Human Psyche.

I believe the mass Palatabilization of Messaging across Religions has left some things to be desired in regard to the translations for common folk. At some point in time, Divinity was domesticated; and in doing so, the Human Psyche itself began to face a form of Colonization. The Poser, being among both the victims and perpetrators of this process.

Amidst all of the bickering about whose Prophet is the best, we seem to forget that even the Prophets, as different as they may all be in Interpretation, all serve the same Divine; all share a piece of the message from the same God.

I’m not getting sidetracked, stay with me here.

A Poser is not always somebody who is aware that they are Posing; because of this disconnect between their understanding of a Divine Meaning and the actualization of their Divine Meaning, their message is left hollow and wanting. They Do Not Cognizantly Pose. Without a Divine Message to Receive and in turn, Transmit; they are left with only the Messages of the Pleasures of their Flesh, to share.

So what is the Question, or the Choice I mentioned?

Well, the Question is; when you get to the bottom of the Glass (and there is a bottom to the glass when its nothing but Fleshy Pleasure), and you have nothing left but the sobering reality of this sonic amalgamation you’ve created, for better or worse; What Comes Next?

Before I continue on with the perspective I hold regarding the topic, here’s the curveball; There are Three types of Poser: The Survivalist, the Opportunist, and the Deceptionist. Between the three, I hold very limited feelings of malcontent for the former, because I was once, and certainly at times, still fall back into being, the Survivalist — but the latter two Posers can kick rocks and shit their pants for all I care.

See, when you reach the bottom of that glass, you realize that not only is the glass currently empty, but that it was never put under the faucet to begin with. At this point, the curtain is pulled back, the rug is swept out from underneath your feet, and now you have a bump on your head from hitting your noggin on the way down.

When you first start Posing, blissfully unaware of your Posture, you are neither a Survivalist, nor Opportunist, and certainly not a Deceptionist. But you’re not quite a Musician yet, at all. You’re just a Poser (but maybe for cohesion’s sake; a Survivalist). You see Musicians making their Music, and you want to be a part of that. Who wouldn’t, Right? This is how the journey begins, and the type of Musician you will become, starts to reveal itself.

Unless you were born a Prodigal Virtuoso to a family well versed in the Musical Arts, you’re probably going to start out a Poser. Probably, not definitely; but definitely probably.

So you buy a guitar, or a bass, or a drum set, or you just sing, or you get whatever musicmaker your heart desires, and you start learning scales and chords. Then you learn a few of your favorite songs. Then all of a sudden, it’s been a couple of, or a few years and you’re still playing. You better do something with all of that Talent you got there! So maybe you join a band and you start writing songs, or maybe you skip the band part and just start writing your own songs. Doesn’t matter, either way, you are now looking at producing your very first message. What do you want to say?

Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop pointing this at you now.

When the Poser Musician sets out to Create for the first time, the Poser can only regurgitate the things they’ve consumed. They haven’t sat with the Monke(4), and fleshed out what the words of the message themselves actually mean, they’ve just found the words to be valuable pieces of information for some reason, worth restating in their own way. The Poser who likes the Beastie Boys or Rage Against the Machine may begin to Posture about antiestablishment, even if they have never held a truly radical belief before hearing them. The Poser that likes Nirvana, or Soundgarden, or Alice In Chains may begin to Posture about drugs, either their use or knowledge of them, and how they can snort more cocaine than anybody else around, or something silly like that. The Poser that likes Disco.. ah whatever, you get the picture.

The Poser doesn’t truly have anything valuable or unique to say. They are simply speaking to hear the sound of their own voice, or to convince others their voice is worth hearing. This is not to say that their voice is not worth hearing, it just means that they haven’t worked out how to convey the true message of their Interpretation of the Divine, for themselves yet.

Let’s leave the Poser alone for a bit, on that note. Let’s begin to discuss the Artist.

The Artist, Becomes So, by any number of means.

The Artist is not a Person. The Artist is a State of Existence, in which a certain Frequency becomes Attunable. This State is not difficult to achieve once you begin to shed back certain layers of your skin. But without having to go that far, it is very easy to slip in and out of this State, even subconsciously.

To digress for a moment, I am using very specific language to create my analogy. But this State of Existence extends beyond the context I’m depicting it in. Think of this State of Existence as The Flow State, however that holds meaning for you. I’m hoping that adds enough context, because I’m done with that digression.

For the sake of the analogy, I will personify the Artist again. I’m not calling you out, pinky promise.

To Expound upon the discrepancy between Slipping into the State of being an Artist, rather than Embodying what it means to Be an Artist; when you find yourself getting a nasty little kill streak on a video game, or you catch the knife you set too close to the edge of the kitchen counter — just before it reaches your little piggies, or you, say; rip a mean ass guitar solo in the middle of a jam, and you say something like; “Damn, I was just in the fucken flow state or something..” you are so close. You are slipping into the State of being an Artist, and you have no idea you’re even standing on Hallowed Ground.

See, the Divine guides our hand, and the Divine reveals to Us, Paths.

The major, I don’t want to say problem, because it isn’t necessarily what you’d consider a traditional “problem.” It’s just a Thing that is. The major ‘Thing’ that comes with diminishing the State of Being an Artist by relinquishing those moments to just being You in The Flow State, is that you’re letting the Ego kill stifle kill the Divine.

No; Stifle. Final answer.

When you take the credit and say you accidentally did something “Cool,” you’re taking away from a Gift that the Divine made, just for you. Instead, it is important to acknowledge the Gifts when you receive them, it only makes the Frequency that much more accessible. When you take this concept, turn it into a nice dissolving capsule, then throw it into that aforementioned Glass of Fleshy Pleasure, there is a wonderful chemical reaction that takes place, then you’re left with.. well, I don’t know, plain ol’ water or something like that.

Becoming an Artist, however, doesn’t just Happen. It takes a varying amount of time (on a case by case basis), influenced by your dedication to the Craft, and your refinement of the ability to Tune into the Frequency. When you do the Thing “correctly;” Study teaches you the Language, Practice teaches you the Grammar, and Creation gives you the Fluency.

Above all else, The Divine demands Authenticity of You and your Message.

So, how do you know when you’re Tuned into the Frequency, or that you and your Message are Authentic? When you have created a Resolute, Unfalsifiable Belief in your Own Truth, when you have stopped lying to yourself about any facet of your reality and accept it for what it is, and most importantly; understand what it means to Embody your Interpretation of the Divine.

This is just the way I put this Concept into words, but the Spirit of this Message has been catalogued innumerable times already. What does Embodying your Interpretation of the Divine have to do with the creation of Music? Everything. People do not appreciate paint on a canvas because it is a pretty color, they do not value stories because the words look intellectual together when used in succession, and they do not listen to music because the notes and lyrics sound lovely when harmonized together. Okay, well, maybe they do.. But not for the reasons that seem obvious!

People Appreciate Art because it tells A Truth. When they consume, or experience a piece of Artwork, it isn’t the technicality with which they are impressed. It doesn’t hurt, of course, to utilize a display of technical prowess.. but it is more meaningfully the way the Art portrays a Visceral, Authentic Truth. An Interpretation of the Divine that makes people sit with that Truth, whether it is an uncomfortable, silent Truth or a cup of hot coffee that warms the very soul, contains a certain level of Authenticity for the Perspective that allows for Art to become more than just a song, painting, or story.

Does that make sense? I think that makes sense. I’ve got more on the Artist that I’ll get into later, but do you wanna hear about The Performer next?

Great news for those that answered YES! Because that’s just something that’s about to happen. (Also great news for those that answered NO, because you can literally just close this essay whenever, I’ll forreal never even know, dude! No harm, no foul.)

The Performer is not so easy to maintain, as it may be to define. The Performer is the most ‘fragile’ of the three, not in the sense of ‘durability,’ but in the sense that it’s the easiest to slip out of, and into one of the other Classes of Musician.

The Performer becomes so by either Outgrowing the Poser, or by Cultivating the Artist. See, any Poser can Perform, just like any Artist can Perform, but it still doesn’t make either of them Performers. Can you guess where the Discrepancy comes in by now?

The Authenticity of the Representation of the Interpretation of the Divine.

of the, of the, of the.

For the Performer, Performing IS the way they Embody the Interpretation of the Divine. The songs mean something of course, but the real Authenticity is in the very Performance itself. Unlike with the Poser, when a Performer performs songs they did not write themselves, they do not do it because they don’t have an Authentic Message they’ve Received, but because the performance of that song actually accentuates the Authenticity of the Message.

The tricky part, and how so many Musicians end up falling back into Posing, is problems with staying true to the Interpretation of the Divine when your Message is well received. It is very easy for the Ego to take a step out in front of the Divine when sharing the Message. The Ego can be Seen, The Divine must be Felt. The Ego is a Model, always striking the best Poses, The Divine is humble, existing in the spaces in between Ego. ‘

This is where the Deceptionist and Opportunist Poser make their presences known.

When somebody who has not fully Embodied their Interpretation of the Divine, crafts a well received (notice I did not say Authentic) Message, there is no tether to humility. There is no One or no Thing to be grateful for, apart from your Self, your Ego. Enter Opportunist.

The Opportunist has no concept for any Interpretation of the Divine to be found surrounding their Message, they only interpret Opportunity itself. When they see an opportunity to milk something for all it is worth, they do so. If that includes notoriety, money, and sex; y’know, All of the Pleasures of the Flesh — all the better.

The Opportunist (and by extension that I’ll get into later; the Deceptionist), is the furthest from the Divine. In a lot of cases, not only are they lacking a Divine Interpretation, but they hold an abhorrence for It, and those that Tune in as well. These are the most (and pretty much only,) despicable Musicians..

Unfortunately, these same Musicians, the Opportunist Poser, ends up being placed on the same, and often higher, pedestals in the Music Industry(5) than The Performers and Artists. This is because behind Musicians in the Industry, are the Deceptionists. I hesitated to even include the Deceptionist here in this essay, because the Deceptionist is not somebody who dedicates themself to the Divine Aspect of Creation, in the way that it means what it does in Art to the Artist and the Performer. The Deceptionist intentionally seeks to Distract the Artist and the Performer from their Chasing of the Empyrean, from Embodying their Interpretation of the Divine. Effectively, the Goal of the Deceptionist is to Pose well enough to Distract the Artist and the Performer enough, to fix them into the Poser alongside them.

When the Poser and the Performer are held to the same Standard by an Industry that dictates which Messages reach the most Interpretations, you can imagine what happens. We end up with another cog in the machine of the process I refer to as the Colonization of the Human Psyche(6) and a society of constituents begging for more semblance of some Truth. If only they knew.. So then, how does The Performer stay The Performer?

I don’t really have to say it, do I? Authentici— haha.

The Performer Embodies an Authentic Interpretation of the Divine through Performance, their Performance is their Interpretation. Whereas The Artist Embodies an Authentic Interpretation of the Divine through their Art, the Art as their Interpretation, the Performer can Create Art as well, but that doesn’t represent their Interpretation Authentically yet. The Performance of their Art completes the Authenticity. Does that make sense? I have no idea how else to say it if not..

This is not to say that the Performer’s Interpretation of the Divine is any more valuable or potent than the Artist’s. It just means that their Alignment within the Frequency leads them to walk different paths. It is not always up to the Musician which path they walk either; between Artist and Performer. It is important to prioritize Spiritual Wellbeing over the Ego’s desires. It can be difficult to accept the reality as It is, but it is essential. This is done by sitting with the Monke.

When A Musician is feeling Cacophony of the Heart, it distorts the Message, takes away from the Authenticity of it all. To assuage this unrest, when you are feeling this Cacophony, separate yourself from it and evaluate the place where it comes from, to find where the root of the rot resides; so you can cut it all out. -I’m not a self help guru, and I’d never masquerade as one, so I am not going to tell anybody how to make this process work for them; it is a subjective One. But, in the same breath that we all should aspire to take, I should say that Chasing the Empyrean looks different for everybody, both in essence and practice. It is not comfortable.-That said, the Industry will always extend the signal of the transmission that has the most malleable message. The Industry protects itself, in ways that are not apparent to many, and necessary to even fewer. In turn, this is what makes the Performer so fragile. It is important to remember that, regardless of the magnitude of the Waves the Message makes, the Authenticity is to be Valued Above All.

When I first started down this path, some years ago, I latched onto an old Buddhist/Jainist/Hindi Principle called Tapasya (7). I believe Sitting with the Monke to be a part of this Tapasya. To Sit with One’s Monke is to stare into the mirror, not simply until you don’t like what you see staring back at you, but until you realize Why you can’t stand to see what is being Reflected. The Goal is to be able to see Yourself as you Are, rather than how you’d Prefer. It can feel counterintuitive at times.. but you can’t burn away your Sins without knowing where to ignite. That’s how you end up with Scars.

Authentici..

I think, this is a good place to stop and say that, to this point, the work has been establishing a baseline for my ideology on the topic, now lets discuss the implications of this ideology and how it is relevant enough for me to invest my time into fleshing out the semantics of this Ideology.

Feel free to skip this section and move to Section III if you don’t want to hear me give a partial autobiography to add depth to the context of my process, or to maybe

just sate my own Ego by talking about It, not sure which of the two this section fulfills yet. Anyway,

When I was in 4th or 5th grade, I had a friend who played guitar. He was good, too. At the time I had been playing a lot of Guitar Hero, all four or five of them that were out at the time, and my parents got me a 3/4th scale, beginner’s electric guitar for Christmas that year. My real guitar did not sound as good as the fake ones on Guitar Hero though.. but when I got back from Christmas break, I couldn’t wait to brag about my sick new guitar. I started spinning tales about how Great I already was. My friend, who actually was good at guitar, asked if I wanted to jam with him and I said yes, obviously. But when he asked what songs I could play, instead of being honest, I Posed. I told him I can “play any song on Guitar Hero.” I wasn’t lying, or at least I told myself I wasn’t, since, I could play those songs.. on Guitar Hero. You can imagine how that went over when the time to jam together actually came.

This was a great source of shame for me for a long time. I thought about that for years after, Hell, I’m turning 30 this year and I just wrote about the time I lied about being a guitar prodigy in 2007. But it’s such a funny and endearing story to tell now, it’s such an overt Poser move. I wanted people to think I was as cool as I thought my friend was; because he could play guitar. See how that works?

I would argue that, while not everybody is going to lie to everybody around them about what they consider themselves gifted in, I think a lot of people do lie to themselves about it; and by extension?

..hahaha..

He asked me to play Smells Like Teen Spirit, by the way.. I could not, by the way.. (I still can’t, either)

Fast forward two or three years or so, one guitar ruined by my little brother and a bunch of hot candle wax later.. and now I’m in seventh grade on Skype with my cousin — playing bass while he plays guitar; writing songs about high school wrestlers and coaches we liked, and did not like.., George Bush doing 911, and the myth of Slenderman’s big, scary 13 inch Weiner (don’t ask, we were middle schoolers.. “why do middle schoolers write anything that they write?” Would be the better question..). But I think back to that time as the first time I made Music without Posing, or at least the closest to making music without Posing as I was capable of, back then. We weren’t Chasing any Empyreans or anything, but the things we wrote about, sitting on those calls for hours on hours, they were moments of pure, unadulterated Authenticity, regardless Form.. maybe moments of Slipping into the Artist, if nothing else.

Then High School and College, and the World of Athletics took over. My Interpretation of the Divine took me down a different Path at that time, and I see now why it was always necessary.

Remember, the Divine Guides Us.

I didn’t make much Music from 2012-2021, I was really into sports and drugs.

I like to think of this period as the Experimentation. I still played bass in high school and college, but I had no dedication. It was just a hobby, not a passion — something that let me Pose a little while longer, while I inched my way toward something more Authentic. While I didn’t make a lot of songs during this time period, I did do a lot of painting, Metaphorically, of course; I can’t paint for shit (despite years of my best attempts). But I experimented with instruments, tones, and ideas as if they were shades of paint or textures of canvas. In retrospect, what I spent that decade or so doing, meandering around ideas, never seeing any of them through, just letting them exist as they were, set the tone for my Interpretation of the Divine in the Present Moment.

But that said, in spite of a lack of any meaningful musical creation, during that time; I discovered John Frusciante.

I always loved the Red Hot Chili Peppers growing up; I played bass because of Flea (I know, such a unique path I walk..). I was the annoying kid that only listened to the chili peppers and a select few others for a long time. But when I first heard John Frusciante’s solo work, it was over for me.

In hindsight, when applying metaphor to memory; the leap from Red Hot Chili Peppers fan to John Fruciante fan, can almost be a mirror, showing the jump from Poser to Artist/Performer itself.

I remember the moment vividly. I was listening to RHCP B sides on YouTube in 2013 and scribbling silly little doodles in a random notebook, and summer had just started. I broke my wrist during the wrestling season prior, and I was still recovering from surgery, so I couldn’t do much of anything besides wallow in my own misery. After one of the B sides though; Heaven (By Frusciante) from the album The Empyrean, started playing next on the autoplay. I had to have listened to it no less than ten times in a row, on repeat, screaming along with the lyrics after a certain point of repeated listening, but that outro was (quite literally,) Ethereal to me. “Well, I don’t have my own face, so come on and be replaced. There’s a future that’s calling, but I don’t see it coming. YEAH! No, I don’t have my own face, so come on and be replaced. There’s a future calling, but I don’t see it coming. No, I don’t see it coming.” (Heaven, Frusciante)It was the most hauntingly profound song that I had ever heard, to that point in my life, and I could make no meaningful sense of it, even though it felt like something I was meant to decipher. I got onto my MP3 media downloader app and immediately downloaded every single song I could find by him. There were only about seven or eight of them available there, but one other song I found here became a profound piece of Art for me at that time as well.

The Dying Song.

Not long after I found Frusc’s solo work, I’m talking about days; I got a phone call from my wrestling coach while I was on my way to physical therapy for my wrist, Post Op. One of my teammates died; an accidental, self inflicted gunshot wound. That was a hard pill to swallow. I had just played Call of Duty: Zombies with him all night, a couple days prior, over the weekend. Black Ops 1 had just dropped the World At War maps DLC. My mom pulled into the parking lot as I got off the phone with my coach. I sat silently in the car for a long time listening to The Dying Song in my headphones after that.

“What I need is a Heaven, What I really need is a Heaven. A place to go where I can really Be, A place to go where I can really Be.” (The Dying Song, Frusciante)

It was a few years from there before I actually got to dive into the full catalogue of Frusciante, but when I did there was no going back for me. This was a shared experience with my cousin as well. We used to spend hours discussing “Frusciante Lore,” watching interviews, everything. Because by the time we got into Frusciante, it was already after he had left the band for the second time. I had seen them play live in 2012, and again in 2016.. but it was without Frusc. So there came a mythos to being a Fan of his Art. It didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time but he spoke a lot about the “Fourth Dimension,” “spirits and ghosts,” and creativity as a form of Divinity in a sense, at least that was how I interpreted it back then. It was sensationalist BS to me, that I didn’t care much about because I just cared about how those songs made me feel. It wasn’t the feel-good jammy music he had made with the chili peppers. This felt more visceral, more real than anything with the chili peppers to me, (even songs like Under the Bridge, Slow Cheetah, and This Velvet Glove,) it was uncomfortable at times, but lovely because of that discomfort.

When I got to college and started experimenting with harder drugs, I ended up spiraling into deeper rabbit holes. I won’t get too far into the trips I took, but I was using the drugs without a modicum of restraint, taking LSD and Psilocybin mushrooms sometimes five or six days out of the week, for months on end, just listening to The Empyrean.. scouring for the Truth it was trying to share.

I actually ended up writing my three most important essays (to me) in college on The Empyrean. I had the same professor for two of the three, and I should really ask him if he remembers those papers and what he thought of them. One of my most severe regrets from that time is not saving those essays on a personal drive, because they’re all gone now. But that’s okay because this project is nothing, if not, proof of how resounding I found the Message to be.

The Empyrean is a concept album, depicting the highs and lows of Human Existence in the Pursuit of some Divine Meaning, and it takes place inside the mind of an individual as they have a conversation with “God.” Some songs act as direct representations of that conversation, becoming a dialogue between the “two.” But the whole concept is to accentuate the Idea that everybody is in pursuit of this Divine Meaning; enduring the greatest high and deepest lows in Pursuit, without realizing it is little more than a Sisyphean Task. See, the Empyrean as Frusciante uses it, represents the point of the highest Heaven, the point which all humans strive for in life, but can never reach in this mode of existence. This notion was more profound than anything I had ever understood before. It took me a long time to decipher it and interpret it the way I presently do. I do not know the status of objectivity to the interpretation I hold, but I know where subjectivity stands. It stands exactly where I would hope to point anybody consuming this project, to wander off onto, on their own.

Between the Psychedelics and The Empyrean, I began to explore Frusciante’s first departure from the band in more serious depth. Taking the things he said during this time more seriously now; despite how the fanciful framing of the ideas as he phrased them, would be viewed from an outside perspective (especially when paired with the dishevelled appearance of an Addict that accompanied them). I found that there was a tremendous amount of depth and weight to his words, it was just a matter of language barrier before. I bought his “lost album,” on Ebay, Smile From The Streets You Hold, that has since been purged from the internet with a lot of his old blog posts as well. That was the first time I came to adore something that was utterly filthy and full of ugliness. This album is the most Authentic Representation of an Interpretation of the Divine I’ve ever experienced. Not just because of his story, which I will not be diving into here, but because he survived it and came out the other side better for having experienced the suffering he did. I didn’t realize that the reason this tumultuous period of the Musician I respect above all others, carried so much weight to me, was because I was watching in real time; the Fruit of the Labor of a man’s Tapasya. I was in awe at the sight of the Flames he used to Purify himself.I found a lot of value in the way he describes the “Creative Force.”

”The creative force is produce of the life force, but our judgement of the life force is based on our perception of its effects, its surface, everything that happens in the external world we know. The closest we come to seeing the essence of the life force is in our perception of the creative force. In works of art, the creative force provides addition and multiplication. The creative force is assisted by human intelligence through our devotion to division and negation, and so, symbolically, from the standpoint of human intelligence, the act of creativity is a striving towards death. The reason creative action can be a fulfilling life enriching thing, is because our creative thinking is negation only on the thoughts surface, the thoughts essence being identical with the wishes of the essence of the life force.” (John Frusicante, Invisible Movement Blog, Internet Archives)I try not to copy and paste entire quotes (ever), but this is one I don’t want to muddle with my own interpretation, that's basically what I’ve been doing this whole time anyway, in essence..

Because of ideas like the concept of this excerpt, among countless others; suddenly Loss, Death, Grief, and other miscellaneous moments of Pain in our Human Experience became significantly more profound to me. I found a deeper appreciation for the dirtiness of Living a Human Experience, in a way I guess. When it came time for me to experience Hollowness, some years later though, I resisted. I thrashed and I clawed against the tides for a long time, refusing to be drowned.

Until I didn’t. When I ceased to attempt grasping the Water, I could finally “Float.” When I finally hung up the phone, only then did the Monke finally stop clashing his cymbals together.

Tapasya is not about stifling the feelings that discomfort you. Tapasya is about enduring the full spectrum of human emotion, allowing yourself to Experience it Completely, so then you may become Better for it.

I am the Artist, or I am the Poser. In the Present Moment; I am not the Performer.

When I sit down and think about what drives my creativity, I cannot create. When I try to write a story, I cannot think. When I try to record a song, I cannot play it right.

When I do what I feel compelled to do, it becomes effortless, accidental even.

This is Because when you are truly tuned into the Frequency, there Is nothing for you to do. When you prepare the conditions to create effectively for yourself; the Creation embodies an autonomous force, willing Itself into Creation. (“Why did you write that poem, Count Rostov?” — “It demanded to be written. I simply happened to be sitting at the particular desk on the particular morning when it chose to make its demands.”) (A Gentleman in Moscow, Towles)

When we Create, we are not the Creator, but the Instruments with which the Creator will bring to Life; Creation. To Claim we Create Anything, is an Absurdity. That would be no different than saying a shrimp fried this rice. We Do Not Exist as a Unique Entity, but as the Fragments of the Divine Itself. This is too hard a pill for the Ego to swallow(, without a little water, at least).

The Problem with the Music Industry then, and my natural aversion to sharing the Creations I’ve taken part in, becomes the wrong Station picking up the Signal. In the same way that I believe there are folks in every Organized Religion intentionally acting in Bad Faith, the same inherently goes for an Industry that brands its Devotion with a Leaderboard. In the present state of the world, with so many Posers around to Pose with the ideas they’ve Colonized, it makes it difficult for an Artist to exist in a society Hell-Bent on repackaging the meaning and interpretation of such Profundities as the very Divine Itself, into something more Palatable, and to feel anything other than an aversion to the Participation in such.

This is why, if you checked the annotations; I refer to the Music Industry as an Entity, Poser made Manifest. There are not Musicians “running” the Music Industry; there are Deceptionists in this role. This “fact,” is why the Deceptionist has even been brought into the fold for this writing. The Deceptionist archetype, for me, exists in the same sense that Biblical “demons” do, should you interpret them from this perspective. To Deceive Musicians, and encourage them to Follow their own Voice, rather than Channeling the Divine for Messages with a true Meaning, is to only allow the message to reflect the depth Humanity is comfortable wading in, rather than the uncomfortable depth the Musician strives for when they are in pursuit of Chasing the Empyrean.

In the Industry, it is popular to use “Ghost Writers..” Do I need to say more on the topic?

cough* posers *cough

That, I guess, becomes the first reason why I do not feel any sense of duty to publicly share “my” Art.

The Hollywood Star Making Machine(8) This Is Poser Incarnate. Not that I could ever be so arrogant (again. Not that I could ever be so arrogant, again), to believe my voice deserves to be shared over anybody else’s; but in the same vein that not just Frusciante, but a lot of other “stars” that got involved in the Industry without realizing its motives and missions against them, bleeds from; I don’t want to have to any Expectations taint the Divinity of Creation. So, if by some chance, the Industry picked up my Signal and chose to extend it, I do not believe I would have the resilience of the Performer to overcome the temptations to Pose for Profit. (Damn, not even the good kind of Prophet.) This is the Primary aversion. I know how powerful my Ego is, he would shush the Artist within, and convince him to Pose. “Profit means you can Become Prophet!” the Ego would cry! That kind of Influence terrifies me. It should terrify anybody with any sense of moral duty to the Divine.

With Absolute Influence comes inevitable corruption; just give the Sands of Time a bit to erode away those pesky morals once you put down the only shield that can protect them.

(The unbridled power of Authentically Embodying your Interpretation of the Divine)

With a well received Message (even an Authentic one) that receives a Signal Boost, come the Rammies as well. The ramifications of participating in the Industry come with expectations, images to uphold, standards and values you must hold, even if you don’t hold them. You have to make yourself, and by extension, your Message malleable enough to afford changes that affect the palatability of your Message, because by agreeing to participate in the Industry, you are agreeing to be complicit with the Industry and its Expectations or else, rug pull or something?

One Day, I do hope to Embody the Performer. I would love to share my Art with more than my extended inner circle, but for the time being, I can’t get out of my own head about overcoming any delusions of grandeur I may hold regarding the reception of my own Art when I do try to share it. This is all the Notice I need, to be made aware that the purpose of my Art, in Present Moment, is not for Sharing; but as a form of Blood Letting. When I do not Create, Evil Manifests within me; Resentment, Envy, Spite, and Bitterness seep through me and I make myself, the people around me suffer for it. When I Create, this alleviates my discomfort, it takes me out of a space where I can be volatile. It isn’t a Thing that demands attention from anybody except for me. If I were to Perform my music; I am not Resolved enough in the Identity of my Interpretation of the Divine in the Present Moment, to Know that I am capable of overcoming any Interpretation of the Divine that would, hypothetically, Influence me to alter my own Interpretation of the Divine in a way that satiates my Ego by becoming more palatable for consumption by further Interpretations. When I share my Messages, I have a desire to share it in greater volume when there is any fraction of positive feedback as a result. This alters my message just slightly enough that it only becomes uncomfortable to consume to me, in a way that is not conducive to the Interpretation of the Divine I hold. Even feedback suggesting it is “good,” but could use work in any way; becomes a means to alter my Interpretation of the Divine, and not to keep saying it, but in the Present Moment, I am not Resolved enough to be okay with this effect on my Art.

So for this reason I conclude by saying; The Purpose of Art is and has always been to find a way to Authentically Represent your Interpretation of the Divine. A way to harness the Life Force you siphon by Existing, and Channel it back into something that affords you a way to give back or to Honor to the very Divine that Allows you to draw Breath, if you will. When you aren’t aligned with the Frequency that allows you to Interpret the Divine Authentically; You and the Interpretations you touch, will inherently suffer in some way for it.

I do not Perform my Music or even take the recording of my Music seriously; because that isn’t the part of the process I’m meant to take seriously.